The Funny and Embarrassing Things My Kids Say, Inspired by NickMom

Being the proud parent that I am, I have lots of books in my library full of stories to tell.  As part of a new campaign with the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community and, I was asked to share the downright funny things my kids say.  This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias and its client.


As a parent, you expect some things to come out of your children’s mouth that are just down right funny, comical and dare I say, completely embarrassing.  Let’s face it, kids are genuine, honest and truthful.  Those are all traits I want my children to possess but I can’t wait until they learn that there is a time and a place for some things to be said.  If you are a parent, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about!


I grew up in a family of five children so it was no shock to me that kids say what is on their minds.  However some of the things that come out of kids mouths are hysterical because of how they reason.

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Let me give you an example of embarrassing…

It was the week before I gave birth to my daughter in August of this year.  Austin was looking a little raggity as he needed a haircut desperately.  I was 35 weeks pregnant and was HUGE.  I had always cut Austin’s hair but just didn’t feel like it, it was time to take him to have it done.  I didn’t think about it making him nervous but it did, really nervous.  I assured him it would be just like when I did it with clippers and scissors but someone who cuts hair all day would do it instead.  He was reluctant but agreed.


My cousin came along with the kids and I and helped us find a men’s sports salon.  As we walked through the door there were two men waiting, one was a young kid, maybe late teens and then a balding older gentleman.

Austin kept pulling on me as I was speaking with the receptionist.  “Mom.  Mom!  MOM!” he said, getting louder with each Mom he uttered.

“Just a minute, Austin,” was my response.

“No, Mom.  I don’t want to get my hair cut here.  I can’t get my hair cut here.  Mom, I don’t want to look like HIM!”  As he pointed to the balding gentleman next to the door.

 The man cracked a half-smile and tried to hold back his laughter.  I knew my face turned beat red and Sam and I tried our best not to laugh.  I could have crawled into a hole right there but it would have needed to be a big one since I was so pregnant.  With no hole to be found I had to bend down to explain why he was balding and that he had nothing to worry about.


His name was called and I was saved from my embarrassment.  Austin paid attention to all the men getting their haircut as we walked back to his chair. As Austin climbed into the black chair he turned around to his stylist and VERY loudly asked, “You are not going to make me look like him, are you?”  He pointed to the man at the front of the salon and everyone around us had a good chuckle.  I could again feel myself turning red so I needed to dig myself out and explain that he had never had a haircut other than by myself.  We couldn’t get out of there fast enough!

Have you ever had one of those moments your kids asked about someone in public?  You know, the kind of thing people tend to be sensitive about?


My kids were both so excited to be having a new baby.  They told everyone about our new baby when I was pregnant.  Austin is outgoing and will talk to just about anyone, Addie on the other hand is quite shy until she knows you.  We were in Target close to my OB’s office and Addie noticed another woman who was quite large like myself.  The problem was, my big belly was as a result of a baby, hers was not.  Addie looked at me and asked, “Mommy, do you think she has two babies in her belly because it is SO BIG?”  Gulp.

Why is it when kids are asking something sensitive about someone else they seem to SCREAM it?


Here are just a few of the funny things my kids have said…

Austin was at his aunt & uncle’s house, their dog Molly was licking his uncle and it licked him on the face.  Austin got all panicked and asked, “Why does Molly want to give you her germs?”

We were grocery shopping and Austin said, “Mom I have to go the bathroom.”  We had stopped at the bathrooms in the two previous stores so I told him,  “No you don’t.”  Then he said, “Yes I do! I have poop crumbs coming out!”


Addie asked her Auntie what time is was.  She told her it was 10 after 8.  Addie said, “No it isn’t.”  Lynsey said, “Yes it’s 10 after 8.”  Addie said, “Titi, don’t you know 9 comes after 8.”

Austin told someone he couldn’t have red food coloring.  When asked why, his response, “Because it makes me CRAZY!”


Some days we need a little laughter to lighten our spirits.  If you are having one of those days, or if you just need a good laugh, be sure to check out NickMom.  Think of Nickelodeon or Nick Jr. for us Mamas!  It is full of downright funny and hysterical things that kids have been known to say.  I have enjoyed reading the Kids Say of the Day because it helps bring me back to earth to the fact that my kids are normal kids.  They aren’t the only ones that think their poop looks like an animal!

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To enjoy in the laughter of Mommyhood, be sure to follow NickMom on Twitter and Facebook.

20 thoughts on “The Funny and Embarrassing Things My Kids Say, Inspired by NickMom”

  1. POOP CRUMBS! I laughed out loud which is kind of embarrassing because I’m in Starbucks. Whoops! My kids know just when to be funny. It’s generally just before I send them to live with the gypsies. They say something funny to remind me why I keep them around when they know I’m about to go off the deep end. SO intuitive, right? Your kids are all adorable! I’m sure they keep you on your toes. #client

  2. Hmmmmm… I know I commented on this… and you are right, kids do say the darndest things. I remember the show that Art Linkletter had when I was a kid.

  3. Once when we were at the dentist, we were sitting across a woman who had a lot of dark moles on her face and arms. My son asked me (quite loudly), “Mommy, why does that woman have so many polka dots?”

  4. Kids definitely say the darndest things. Last year, my son told his teacher that he was tired because his mommy was a blogger and she kept him up at night while she was working on her computer. Obviously, this was untrue and I told him never to embarrass me this way again. However, I did have to speak to his teacher to put things in perspective.

  5. Sweet faces you have there! I love the innocence that kids express and sometimes it is the truth that comes out their mouths, it is important we teach them to be more aware of what they say as they grow though

  6. lol those are funny. My kids are absolutely the worst when it comes to saying things. I’m more often embarrassed than anything else. I remember one day telling my son when he answered the phone to tell my mother in law I was sleeping. I so did not want to talk to her. I heard him say “granny, mommy said to tell you that she’s sleeping”. I almost died. 🙂

  7. Your kids are so adorable and I love the embarrassing moments that you shared. It has been awhile for me and it is hard to remember. I was asking my husband if he could remember some and he reminded me of a time when he was fixing our dryer and it wasn’t going well. He was banging around and using a few not so nice words. The next day, I found my young son hitting the dryer with a stick repeating the same words…problem was, we had friends over when he was doing so. 😉

  8. My 6-yr old recently announced his need to use the restroom in a not so pleasant way as well, in a very crowded restaurant. The waitress laughed, no one around us did, hahaha

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